My Southern Heart

I remember the beginning. Fifty-three years ago, when we were all young, life lay stretched out ahead of us. Children in our future…grandchildren beyond that. A path we were laying out in neat little stones leading to what we thought would be our future. Even then, time seemed like it would go on forever. I know you’ve said it:  “if only I had known then, what I know now”. I wish I had known then that I didn’t have all the time in the world. We thought we did of course. There’s something to be said for surviving the storms and the valleys though. You’re a whole lot wiser.

There are hundreds of photographs from those fifty-three years. They’re loose in boxes and in albums that are falling apart from too many moves. This winter, I plan to catalog all those photographs and place them neatly in albums for the children. They are my children, but they’re all grown with children of their own.

So what has me thinking about this stretch of life that’s passed and thinking about the time I have left? It has been a couple of weeks of mostly routine doctors appointments and tests for both of us. And news from family who aren’t doing well at the moment.

Ten years ago, when I was living in Oregon, my ENT there diagnosed a usually benign tumor beneath my eardrum. He was so excited when he found it, he asked if all his colleagues could come look as well. He told me it was slow growing and I probably had nothing to worry about. After experiencing dizziness and Opthalmic migraines periodically for the last couple of years, I saw my ENT last week. I thought the symptoms might be related to the tumor. He said the tumor was growing and it was time to get me in to see a specialist. Monday, I saw the specialist, an otologist/neurotologist. Yes, that’s spelled correctly. There are three in the whole state of Iowa. He seems excellent. That’s good because he’s removing the Glomus Tympanicum tumor on January 23, 2020. Apparently, its an outpatient surgery that takes about an hour. There are too many risks to leaving it in and letting it continue to grow. Not to mention the fact, I’m tired of feeling the pressure and hearing my heartbeat – thump, thump, thump -in my ear!  Pulsatile tinnitus.

In the meantime, there are Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to, shopping to do and lots of baking. I will not be able to fly for several weeks after the surgery, so hopefully we can fly to Montana to see my firstborn and his family before then. Flying has seriously bothered my ear for years.  Now I know the reason for that.