Reflections

Shadows and highlights…

As the new year has come and gone, I’ve been thinking about, and struggling with, how to tell the rest of the story…

Telling a story is much like painting a picture…only with words.

My grandchildren create the most wonderful paintings…quite magical paintings actually. However, my grandchildren haven’t learned about shadows just yet. Their paintings are in pure colors…no dark shadows that would give their paintings realism and depth. Our lives are like this. The joyful times in our lives are the brilliant blues, reds, golds, vibrant greens and even bright silver…the highlights of our lives. Any painting without highlights is dreary and flat.

It’s the valleys – the sad times…the losses…the grief – those are the times in which we grow. Those are the times that create the depth and dimension in our lives. Granted, while we’re in those valleys, we don’t comprehend that fact. We only feel the pain or loss. Those valleys are the times that stretch us, test us, strengthen our faith and propel us into the arms of our loving Heavenly Father.So, life is made up of mountaintops and valleys. It’s that way with each of us. I thank God for the mountaintops He has given me over the years, but I also thank Him for the valleys…and for being with me each step of way through them. So, as I struggle with how to put my life into words, I’ll try to remember to be thankful for both the mountaintops and the valleys.
I discovered the following poem many years ago. It’s still true today.

My Life Is But A Weaving

My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me;

I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I, in foolish pride,

Forget He sees the upper, and I the under side.

Not ’til the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,

Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver’s skilled hand,

As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares, nothing this truth can dim.

He gives His very best to those who leave the choice with Him.

(author unknown)

(I recently discovered the treasured drawing at the top of the page in a box of old papers I was going through. The drawing is done in crayon on manila paper and is by my older son who just turned forty in August of 2008! My best guess is he was about 7 or 8 years old when he did this drawing. Actually, he did put some “shadows” beneath the ship, which was pretty clever for that age. He is now a missionary doctor in the mountains of Peru.)

September 1965…

Family, My Southern Heart, Reflections

It was Autumn again. A whole year had passed since I had first come to Memphis State. Things seemed different now…no longer the strangeness of being new.

It had been an eventful summer and one in which I’d grown a great deal. I’d been challenged and come away the better for it. I thought often about the beautiful Pacific Northwest and all that I seen there. I also thought about how God had chosen to work in such a mysterious way…for my good and His glory. I kept the papers from the train reservation for many years…just in case I forgot.

Bill came over before school started back to ask me to speak to his church youth group about my summer in Seattle. I had taken many slides and felt comfortable sharing. He told me about his summer and his experiences at the Air Force flight training. He was taking flying lessons at a small airport in the county. One afternoon he stopped by my house on his way home from his flying lesson. He had completed his first solo flight. In keeping with tradition, they had cut off the back half of his shirt and signed it with the date. He couldn’t wait to show me, and I was excited for him.

Once again, the BSU was the hub of activity with everyone returning back to school and sharing the events of their summer. Several of the students had traveled to other destinations as summer missionaries. It was fun sharing stories with each other.

Autumn of 1965 would also be when I realized that my feelings for Bill were more than just friendship…

Our birthday…

My Southern Heart, Reflections

Today is the first day of December…our birthday, Bill’s and mine…and, perhaps, the best time to begin telling our story.

The first time I ever saw his face was on an Autumn afternoon in 1964. I was sitting on the sofa by the fireplace in the BSU with some friends, when he walked in the door. He was wearing his Air Force ROTC dress uniform. He removed his officer’s cap and placed it on the top shelf of the coat rack. I couldn’t help watching him as he walked over to another group of friends and immediately became the center of attention…talking and laughing. I remember thinking he was handsome, very sharp and self-assured, almost cocky…much like a young Tom Cruise in Top Gun. He had beautiful green eyes and dark brown hair clipped short in the ROTC required style. There was something about him that I definitely found appealing.

His name was Bill. I had no way of knowing at that moment that I would spend thirty-nine years of my life with him. Life is a remarkable gift, but unfolds just one brief moment at the time; and at that time, I was dating Mike (the young Sean Connery look-alike), and Bill was dating a redhead named Linda, who was at least as tall as he was or maybe a little taller. Linda was a home economics major as I recall and it would, in the months to come, be a comment made by Linda that made me realize my true feelings for Bill…but that’s later in our story.

The exact moment that Bill and I met is lost in my memory, but over the Autumn of 1964 we became friends. At some point during that season, Bill asked me to go to a church banquet with him which was held at a beautiful campgrounds. Memory is a funny thing…laid down in so many transparent layers…but it almost seems I can remember the drive out there in his little black VW bug. There’s a canopy of brilliant colors flashing past as we drive along those winding roads…laughing and talking all the way. Many years have passed, but I remember the beautiful gardenia corsage he gave me. Gardenias would be one of his favorites for years to come.

As the months and seasons came and went, our friendship continued to grow. We would find an empty picnic table on the grounds of the BSU when the weather was good and enjoy our lunch together. He would share his Mom’s homemade oatmeal raisin cookies with me, which I loved. After lunch, we’d go for long walks in the neighborhood surrounding the MSU campus. Looking back now, I realize we were wanting to get away from the crowd at the BSU…we wanted time to talk and get to know one another.

Little did I know that while I was growing up on Victor Drive, Bill lived just a few short blocks from me all that time. We went to different schools and different churches, so we had never met until that day in the BSU.

For years to come, I would tell Bill that I had been his birthday gift when he was only two years old…

Traditions…

Family, My Southern Heart, Reflections

Mama cherished the holidays each year, because it meant we would all be together once again. Of course, there were other times throughout the year that the family gathered in one place, but the holidays were special. First, there was the Thanksgiving feast and just a few weeks later…Christmas.

Sometime during the week or so before Christmas, we would go to a small grocery store on Jackson Avenue that sold cut Christmas trees looking for that special tree. As I recall, it was usually a fragrant Cedar. Compared to our next door neighbor’s tree, which looked like Martha Stewart would have decorated it, our tree looked a bit like a Charlie Brown tree. There were only the large colored lights, a little red or green garland roping, a few ornaments and icicles, but Sharon and I thought it was beautiful.

As I recall, there weren’t a lot of presents each year, but I do recall one special gift. I must have been about fourteen that year. I had wanted my very own shoe skates and had actually found them hidden away a week or so before Christmas. Unfortunately, Mama forgot about them. She forgot to give them to me, and all the time, I knew where they were. I don’t remember now when she finally remembered them, but I did, finally, get them that Christmas.

Looking at the elaborate felt stockings I have now, I remember our Christmas stockings all those years ago…nylon hosiery stockings filled with oranges, apples, walnuts, pecans and candy. I remember all those little stockings filled and arranged in front of our Santa gifts under the tree. Looking back now, it seems we opened our gifts to one another on Christmas eve, and then Santa arrived on Christmas morning. Santa didn’t bring very much, but it was special all the same.

Our Christmas eve tradition was to have our evening meal, open gifts to one another and then drive around looking at all the spectacular displays of Christmas lights. There was one particular wealthy neighborhood that put up amazing displays of lighted Christmas decorations each year…all across their front lawns, trees and houses. My nieces, nephew and I could hardly wait for our meal to be over and gifts to be opened so we could go see the lights. It seems so simple with the telling, but it was a special time and a treasured memory.

As the years passed and we all grew up and had our own families, the traditions evolved. We took turns hosting the Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. Eventually, the next generations arrived, families grew larger and distances separated us…as it does now. Even so, the memories of those special times live on.

Mama learns to drive…

Family, Reflections

Mama was a wonderful homemaker, Southern cook and an artist with a brush, needle and thread. Although, she could read music by “shaped notes”, she sang and played the piano and organ “by ear”. She had a wonderful sense of humor and a quick and ready smile. For the most part, I think she was content to stay at home for she considered taking care of her family the most important role in her life.

Daddy was mellow and easy going. As the father of four daughters, I suppose he had to be. He was quiet but also had a good sense of humor. Sharon and I could easily get him to laugh. He had always been protective of Mama as well as his daughters; and perhaps that was the reason she had never learned to drive. She had never considered the fact she couldn’t drive a problem, until Daddy began riding to work with a fellow employee…leaving the car at home.

Having a perfectly good automobile left sitting in the driveway and plenty of places she wanted to go was a different story…a motivating factor I would say. There were the fabric stores she loved, grocery shopping and a local shopping center with nice department stores. I was in college and not there during the day to drive for her, so Mama decided she would learn to drive. When Mama made up her mind to do something, there was no stopping her. The police academy offered driving lessons for adults and she enrolled. Mama didn’t do anything halfway and became their star pupil.

She loved her newfound freedom in our 1957 Chevrolet, and now insisted on doing the driving herself…even when I was with her! I understood the feeling of those new wings and it would have been fine with me…if only she had driven faster than 25 miles per hour. With her genteel Southern upbringing, she could not understand why people were passing her or giving her unkind looks when she pulled out in front of them at a snail’s pace. I believe, eventually, she did pick up her speed and gained her confidence behind the wheel.

I am my Mother’s daughter in a lot of ways (no, not the driving – I drive much too fast). When it comes to a paintbrush, needle or thread, I find joy. It’s almost as if I don’t have a choice…I simply must be in the midst of creating something. As of yet, my quilting projects have been small ones, but I enjoy the process. I love to sew and made many of my daughter’s clothes…and even a few for my sons…when they were growing up. I love to cook, especially Southern style. Most importantly, I have found my greatest joy in my role as a mother…and now as a grandmother.

Looking back after all these years, I think that it took great courage for Mama to conquer her fear and learn to drive at the age of sixty. I hope if I were faced with a similar challenge, that I might just have a little of her courage…

(Just for fun, check out the You-Tube black & white TV commercial on the 1957 Chevrolet link above!)